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Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SHOOTER13, Oct 17, 2012.
,,,,,a few I've collected in recent weeks
Here's one for Valentines.
My wife and I decided to go on an organized trip to Afghanistan to see for ourselves what the place was like.
It didn't start well as the train we were traveling on broke down just few miles north of the station.
We found ourselves stranded in a scary hell hole where no one around us spoke any English!
The train and surrounding streets were full of Muslims angry bearded types glared at us...
Here ya go Shooter13.
A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said,
“Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”
The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”
“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bull-sh*ttin’ me!”
The social worker said, “Yeah, well.. You started it…”
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them, and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his Sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking, and after awhile, she finds herself thinking...
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly,
they continue to kiss. The passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom, where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says...
‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'